To Breathe Again
by LifetimeTwilightLov
Summary: Mace's Padawan was expelled from the Jedi Order for murder, but he doesn't believe she was guilty. What will happen when he sees her again after nearly two years? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or its characters  
Rating: PG-13 for violence mostly  
A/N: _Italics _are flashbacks!

To Breathe Again

_"Patience, my young Padawan," Jedi Master Mace Windu called out. "You must be patient."_

_Just feet away, his Padawan Learner, Amis Deelay, stood near her sparring partner, Anakin Skywalker. They had never spoken before, but his talent was no mystery. Anakin was all of a year older than her, but he found he had underestimated her talent with a lightsaber. _

_She had been the first to attack, and it was undetectable, more than he thought it would be or could be. They were both competitive by nature, and neither would admit to any weakness. The match had already drug on for what seemed like hours. Anakin refused to show it, but he was tired. Amis didn't look or seem in the least bit tired. Her attacks ere stronger while his defensive lines grew weaker. _

_Anakin managed to shove her back, but she came back even stronger. She wasn't thrown off balance for even a second. At Anakin's next attack, she flipped over him with great ease. The next attack was hers. She rounded on her opponent and shoved him off balance with an aggression he had never felt before. With a quick round-house kick, she knocked him to the ground. She delivered what would have been the killing blow had her lightsaber not been on training mode. _

_The two Padawan's Masters were standing on the sidelines watching. Amis helped Anakin off the ground easily. "Good match," she commented quietly with a small smile, and she turned to face Mace, take his criticis, and accept his corrections, whatever they might be. _

_"Well done, Padawan, but you must be patient, both with yourself and your opponent," Mace started with a quiet, yet firm tone. "Patience is the key to a successful match. If you lose the key, it will be harder to win and more tiring from the frustration. You will get nowhere if you cannot remain patient."_

_Amis nodded, wiping the sweat from her face. "Yes, Master," she replied. _

Mace sighed as he passed the sparring room they had always used. Amis was his best student. She was gifted and a hard worker. At that time, she had only been fourteen. She was strong, obedient, and a fast learner. Her only weakness was her impatience. She wanted to win a match immediately. To end a match as soon as possible was wise, but she grew uneasy and anxious if she wasn't able to.

The Master-Padawan bond was strong and lasted long after the apprentice became a Jedi Knight. Mace hadn't seen Amis in over a year and a half. She was no longer his apprentice. She had chosen another life, not a Jedi's live anymore. She had been expelled from the Jedi Order. She was lost to him. There was no chance she could ever come back. She gave up that life, hadn't she?

_It was her choice, _Mace told himself. He couldn't believe her decision was his fault. True, he was her Master, her teacher True, it was his job to teach her, but it was also her job to learn. He couldn't blame himself if she didn't learn. It was her faults that caused failure, not his. So why did he feel this way? Why did he blame himself? Was he such a failure he couldn't move on?

"No. Think like that, you must not," Master Yoda said from behind Mace.

Mace turned. "Master, I didn't see you."

"Distracted you have been. Think so much of your former Padawan you should not. Healthy it is not."

Mace nodded in agreement. "Yes, but I can't help it. Something went wrong. Somewhere, somehow, at some point, maybe I told her something in the wrong way or I didn't tell her something."

"Made the decision she did. Not you."

Mace sat down with a sigh. "Yes. But she's not a murderer. She had her flaws, yes, but that wasn't like her. I'm sure there was a reason she refused to tell the Council what happened. Maybe she felt guilty or didn't know exactly what went on. But every time I think of it, I just know, I know she's innocent! She has to be."

"Blinded you are, young one. Blinded by your bond, which was so strong."

"You taught her in classes, Master! You know she didn't lost control, even when she was angry. She always controlled herself." Mace let out a heavy sigh. "She killed a Jedi, or she was accused of it, but she's never killed anyone before unless she had to. I know her better than anyone. It's not like her."

"Then explain she should have! But explain she did not. Gone she is."

Mace nodded. "Yes, she is gone. But I can't stop feeling that she's innocent."

"A chance she was given. Turn it down she did."

"It was guilt then, Master! She was a perfectionist and went hard on herself over the smallest mistake. She hated making mistakes. Perhaps it was an accident and she was angry because of it. But I don't think she could murder anyone. Not ever!"

"Then time you must take to think. Leave you must. Time alone you need."


	2. Chapter 2

_The Jedi Temple was always full of students, but Amis felt a different feeling. It didn't feel the same. Something was wrong, but she was too tired to care just then. The Council kept the security levels high. They would handle any problems. Her own Master, Mace Windu, was on the Council as well. If something was wrong, he would know. _

_Mace had Council meetings to attend and left Amis to do as she pleased until he finished. Amis watched him leave and then turned. She planned to shower, then perhaps find a partner to spar with. Mace would gladly join her if he finished by then. Amis's best guess was that he wouldn't._

_She showered in ten minutes. Then she hurried to find something to do. Her search brought her to a special training room. It was used for balance and endurance mostly. The exercises weren't new to her. She knew them all. Both took patience, which had always been her weakness. Mace encouraged to do these exercises to help her through this weakness. _

_But as she went on, the disturbance she felt only grew worse. It was a warning. But what was it against? There was no one else in the room. It wasn't Mace in danger or a friend. She didn't know what it was, but it was there, and it was something. _

_Then it came. Amis saw the dark, cloaked figure. She jumped of the equipment used for the exercises. She landed and saw the glow in the doorway as the door started to close. Bright and strong. It was no mystery. _

Amis sat up, covered in sweat. As usual, she didn't get any further than that. She took several deep breaths, trying to calm her raging heart. But it never worked. It was nothing new to her.

Amis sighed and leaned her bead back against the wall behind her. She had only been asleep for a few hours, but she couldn't sleep any longer. She looked around the cell. The other slaves were still fast asleep which was normal. They all got up before anyone else to prepare meals or anything else for the royal king. They were worked hours upon hours, and didn't go to sleep until late. Everyone else slept soundly, but not Amis. She was restless. She hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in a good year. She doubted she ever would sleep well again.

Amis let out a heavy sigh. Her eyelids were heavy from so little sleep, but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. She stood slowly. The cell was larger than the others, but of course it was! Amis somehow was her owner's favorite slave. He doted on her. Being formerly a Jedi and not being allowed to fall in love, it was strange.

As a Jedi, she had not time for relationships and they weren't allowed anyway. To have a man owning her was different, but he had to have her near. He wanted to touch her constantly. As usual, Amis had to accept it, but that didn't mean she liked it. She didn't. And she never would.

She was a slave. There was no escaping. She had to be released, but after a year in chains, she doubted it would ever happen. If the king loved her so much, he wouldn't release her, would be? Why should be? And she had nowhere to go. The Jedi Temple was the only home she had never known. She didn't know her parents and she couldn't return to them if she did. She couldn't bring herself to do it.

No. She still hoped. She still prayed. It had been a year and a half, but she was a Jedi! She had to find a way through. She always had before. Times were different now, but that hardly mattered. She had to get by, and she would.

_No, you're not a Jedi anymore, _she thought sadly, _and you never will be again. _She had been expelled from the Jedi Order. Her Padawan braid had been cut off. Her beloved lightsaber had been destroyed with her braid tied around it. And the worst part was that Mace had done it to her. He looked her in the eyes and so easily took what was most precious to her.

Amis closed her eyes to imagine what life would be like then had she not been expelled. But there was nothing. Her connection with the Force was fading, as was her memory of the fifteen years of training, the fourteen with Mace as her Master. It was all fading, and it would soon be gone. Another year of sleepless nights and everything would be gone, long forgotten.

Amis paced in her cell. The same thing over and over again. _Patience, my young Padawan, _she could hear Mace saying. She heard it so clearly each time she grew impatient. Why could she still hear him? Was it another form of torture, besides being chained in a cell all night and forced to work all day?

She pressed her thumb and forefinger into her tired eyes. When she turned, she saw the boy in the cell next to her watching her. She smiled gently. "What are you doing awake?" she asked. They were friends, but she didn't know his name, and he didn't know hers. "You should be asleep.

"I get nightmares, like you do. Just not as often."

Amis sat on the floor so she was closer to the little boy. "What are they about? Monsters in the dark?"

"No. That man with his whip. I'm afraid he will hurt me too, like he hurts you and the rest of the slaves. Do you think he will someday?"

"No. The whip is for bad slaves. You are a good one though."

"I hope he won't."

Amis reached through the bars and squeezed his hand. "I do too. Sleep now. Tomorrow we will work and you need your rest."

He stood and climbed into his cot. "What are you nightmares about?" he asked.

Amis stared at the floor of dirt. What could she say? She felt the tears burning hot in her eyes moments later. She sighed then. "A dream I once had," she whispered, but the boy was asleep already.


	3. Chapter 3

_Master? _The voice was faint, barely there, but he heard it. It was there, as clear as it was a year ago. Mace heard it so frequently then. It came at the strangest times. In Council meetings, in his sleep, during lessons or meals. He had no control over the voice that desperately called him.

The voice haunted him, yes, but something haunted him even more. _Why was she calling for him? _Was she in danger? Pain? Low spirits? Did she need his help? A medic? A kind, encouraging word? Or did she just need him?

Most of all, Mace was... frightened. He had never had such a bond fade so quickly. Of all his Padawan Learners, he had been closest to Amis. They could read each other's mind at a single glance. If he couldn't tell what was wrong, though something was, he knew the bond was fading.

_Master?_

Mace came out of meditation. Her voice grew more desperate, it seemed, more urgent. He hadn't slept at all. Meditating helped revive his spirits, renew his energy, but nothing seemed to block out Amis's voice calling him. He didn't understand.

Mace stood slowly. He wouldn't meditate anymore. The only thing he could think about was Amis, and he didn't want to meditate on her. She was in the past. She had no future with him. He would never see her again. He wasn't her Master anymore. He was no one's Master, but especially not Amis's. She wasn't a Jedi anymore.

"Think too much of her, you do," Yoda said quietly.

Mace nodded. "I know," he admitted.

"A mission you have," Yoda continued. "On the planet of Laterya. Slave the king has and part of the Republic he is. Go you must."

Mace nodded again. "I'll leave as soon as I can."

_That's what you need, _Mace told himself. _A mission to keep your mind focused. Something to make you put Amis in the past. _

So he packed up. He was ready within minutes and was glad to get out of the Temple. It was a nice change, even though memories of Amis still surrounded him. Memories of their returns from missions, ready for a good night's sleep. But Amis never let on. She was stubborn and proud. In her eyes, to be tired was to be weak. A Jedi was not week in any way.

The trip to Laterya was two days long. The cries he heard grew less frequent. He was glad to be rid of it. He could finally sleep and get through the day without thoughts of Amis. But when he arrived on Laterya, he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He wanted her to be in the past not to forget her. _Remember you must for learn that way you do. Forget you should not. Put her out of your mind you must. _

But Mace found it was harder and more complicated than that. He couldn't remember when he put her out of his mind. He would forget, and he wanted to forget somethings like, her calling him, her voice. But he wanted to remember the good times, the laughs, and the successes. However, just then, it seemed to be impossible to do both.


End file.
